“Rule 8” Don’t Think About Him

Rule Number 8  – Fill Up Your Time Before the Date.

In other words, don’t think about the date. Or at least don’t obsess thinking about your date. Girls do this all the time.  When you just start talking to this guy you think about all the possibilities about what the date could bring.  They fantasize about this guy and how great he is going to be. Don’t do that.  Really.  You have no idea how this date is going to work out.  And really, what has he done to make you dream about him so?  Nothing, because you haven’t gone on a date yet.

Thinking about him all day and daydreaming about the date gives him the power.  And remember, you are in control. It also gets rid of the problem that some girls have about being so nervous about a date.  Just don’t think about him.

So fill your time before a date by not thinking about the date. Read a book, watch a movie, go to the gym, do whatever it is you like to do.  But don’t obsess about what to wear or what you are going to do. And then go enjoy yourself on your date, or not.

“Rule 7” – No, I’m Too Busy Staring At My Wall Saturday to Go On a Date With You

Rule 7 – Don’t Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday

Let’s see….if you don’t accept a Saturday night date after Wednesday, you sure are going to be assured that he’s planning for you. That’s about all I can say. Where it is nice to have a heads up about dates or going somewhere, this rule seems to be applied even when you are just hanging out. This seems to be expecting a little too much from the guy here. In my opinion anyway. What do you expect the guy to do? Sit around thinking about you constantly on Tuesday nights fantasizing about the date he is gonna bring you on Saturday?  Ummmm….people have shit to do. And men are people too.

I mean its nice to have a heads up a few days in advance, but if I’m not busy I’m not going to tell him I can’t hang out TOMORROW because he didn’t ask me out 4 days earlier. If I followed this rule, I would have to be like “sorry can’t”….**precede to stare at my wall all day Saturday because I don’t in fact have plans. **

On the other note, don’t repeatedly accept date after date when he just calls you up at that moment and just expects you to be free right that second. That’s unrealistic and inconsiderate on his part.

Rule 5 – Call me Maybe?

Rule 5 – Don’t Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls and Always End Phone Calls First

By not calling him, you give him the opportunity to call you. And he will. If he wants to talk to you bad enough. There is this silly ridiculous stereotype that women love sitting on the phone talking. By always hanging up first, you are combating this stereotype. Because this is a war supposedly.

But what if you want to talk or hang out and he doesn’t call? Well tough luck for you sister. Because with this rule, there is nothing you can do about it.

Oh yeah and this rule also applies to texting, facebook messaging, smoke signalling, or other forms of communication. So when its been all day and you haven’t heard from heard from him DO NOT send him a casual text saying “hi”. Do not just make excuses like “maybe his phone died”. Okay. So what if his phone died. He will message you if he wants to when he gets it back.

So the obvious problem comes at the “Rarely Return his Calls” part. Ummmm…..why? So he will think that you aren’t interested? Personally this just seems unnecessary. If he calls you, you can answer the phone, if you miss his call, you can call him back. If you don’t, then how on earth will he know that you are interested and like him? Answer: he has no way of knowing that, so he will stop calling. And then of course there is that guy that won’t stop calling/texting/messaging you even though you don’t answer his texts. That isn’t romantic, that’s creepy. And this rule seems to reward that creepy-won’t-leave-you-alone guy and punishes normal guy that takes a hint and respects your wishes and LEAVES YOU THE HELL ALONE. So that’s a problem.

“Rule 4” -Don’t Meet Him Halfway or Dutch on a Date

Rule 4 – Don’t Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date.

Rule number four says to let him do all the work on a date. And don’t go Dutch. He has to plan it, pick somewhere convenient for you, and pay for you.

Advantages to this rule are that it makes the guy really have care about the date. He has to plan it, he has to go somewhere that is convenient for you. Not ask you to drive 40 minutes out of the way because its easier for him. Because on the first date, unless you know the guy well, you should probably drive yourself. You know just in case…..  If he likes you, he should accommodate your schedule and location. The man is required to make the preparations for the date. And that’s nice. It’s nice not having to plan something and just leaving it to him. The final part of the rule is that he should pay for everything. It tells you very explicitly NOT to go Dutch. Well it is nice to not have to pay for things. It’s an old tradition for the man to pay on the date. This is his chance to show you how he handles money and how generous he is.  Its staying in the man and woman’s societal and traditional roles. And that’s nice and romantic sometimes. You can feel like a girl who is being wooed off her feet.

But the main disadvantage to this is that it leaves the woman powerless. She gets no say in where the date happens, it just has to be close by. Because according to this rule she isn’t allowed to suggest somewhere that she might like better if he chooses a so-so locale. But the main source of trouble in this rule is the who is paying for dinner. Lots of people say that the man paying is so yesteryear. It can potentially leave the woman feeling guilty or like she owes him something because he paid. Let me clear that all up. You don’t owe him anything. Not even a handshake. But regardless, if you feel uncomfortable letting someone else pay for you or if your beliefs tell you that you should then by all means, pay for your own way. There is no reason that you should do something that makes you uncomfortable. And that’s that.

Personally, I only follow this rule on date one. And the reason I do is because if the guy is a considerate fellow, he will make a date that’s convenient for you. I like considerate men. It’s just easier for everyone. And I let him pay all by himself on date one because I am retarded. By retarded I mean that I am not the best at picking up on social cues. And in today’s world there are so many guys and girls who are just friends. And sometimes at the beginning of a budding friendship between a man and a woman, its hard to identify if you are friends or something more. If he pays for your way, it’s a good indication that you’re heading down the path towards romance. So I use it as a sign of sorts. After the first date, I usually chip in at the bill. Just to hold my own of course. Just to show that I’m a strong independent woman.

But really, don’t drive 30 minutes to meet some guy when he only has to drive 5 minutes. That’s ridiculous.

“Rule 2” -Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance)

Rule 2 – Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance)

So basically this rule means don’t talk to men first or approach men first. I can see where this rule would apply. It makes me think of the guy getting a vision of a woman from across the room and being immediately attracted to her. Like in some movies, or sometimes you’ll even hear love stories with this premise. And I guess that’s nice. And if you talk to him first, you can never have that moment. And having that romantic idea is appealing. This rule allows that to happen.

This rule is nice for women because it actually removes some pressure. You don’t have to be on the lookout for men in your life. You just sit back, be the most fantastic version of yourself and let the guys come to you when they see how awesome you are. There’s no “There’s this really cute guy and I want to talk to him but I don’t know how to approach him”. With the rules, it’s easy to fix this predicament. You just don’t talk to him, ever, and just get over your crush. It’s that simple.

This rule prevents women from pursuing men who might not be that into them. But the problem is that it also prevents women from initially meeting some men that might be totally into them if they ever met them.

And so begins the disadvantages….

What is a guy supposed to like about you before he ever even talks to you? Answer: your looks. Well, I don’t know about you, but my looks aren’t very indicative of my personality. Maybe yours are, but mine aren’t. There are just all these terrible stereotypes associated with women’s looks that are absurd. And this perfectly applies to me. Let me describe myself. I’m 5’7’’, have long blonde hair, and have size G breasts. Summary- I look like a blonde bimbo. (Spoiler alert, I’m not actually dumb). If I sit back and just let guys only approach me without ever talking to them I attract a very particular specimen of men which I like to think of as commitment phobic jerk dummies who just want to get in my pants. And I can’t take it. I really can’t take the endless stream of jerk dummies.  I seem to rarely get anyone to talk to that even knows what philosophy is or understands other dimensions and I NEED that in a relationship.

Does anyone else see the problem here besides me?

I think a better version of this rule would maybe be don’t pursue a man or attempt to date him if he is not showing clear signs of liking you.

Clear signs that a guy likes you (must fulfill at least 3 of these):

• He tells you he likes you
• He asks you out
• He asks you to be his girlfriend
• Tells you that you are amazing and that he is very happy that he met you
• Tells you that you are special to him

***Disclaimer: Some guys will tell you only some of these in an effort to get in your pants (These proclamations must be sincere)

If a guy doesn’t so any of these things, then don’t pursue him. Don’t think about him constantly. Don’t call him and text him constantly. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying hello to someone you’re in close proximity with and introducing yourself. With my current boyfriend I just casually said “Hey I don’t think we’ve met yet, I’m —–.” There’s nothing wrong with being friendly. Once he talks to you in a friendly way, he can like you for the real you when he decides to make a move and ask you out. Just lose the expectation that he’s anything more than a cool person that you would like to meet. Something may come out of it, or something might not. In my case, he asked for my number 2 days later and asked me out for ice cream. I didn’t have to pursue him.

Even with my adjustment to the rule, it still puts a lot of weight on the guy. Maybe that’s not fair, maybe that’s old fashioned. But in today’s society, it’s still the accepted way to do things. Guys like to do a little bit of pursuing. And it reassures you that he is interested.  And sometimes it’s nice to follow tradition a little bit. (Or at least I think so).

Lets Talk About “The Rules” of Dating

The Rules. You may have heard of them…or maybe not. Basically they are the rules a girl’s gotta follow if she ever wants to end up happy with a man. These are rules that promise to bring you Mr. Right and leave him begging for you at your feet (on one knee with a ring in hand). These are the dating rules.

The rules have been criticized by many feminists and are considered sexist on many levels. And well, I guess they are. They are the highly dependent on the women sitting back and being “women” and the men manning up and being “men”. Whatever that means. And I will be the first to admit it, I hate the rules. I hate them with a passion from hell. But I try my best to follow them.

Why? You might ask why a self-proclaimed feminist like myself would choose to follow a bunch of washed up rules that leave me in a position where equality between the sexes could ever be an option? Why would I do that? Well, because no matter how much I don’t like them, they work.

So now I’m gonna go over each of the rules and analyze each rule, the advantages, the disadvantages, how it is sexist, and why it works. It’s going to be a project of sorts.

Here’s the list:

The Rules

1. Be a “Creature Unlike Any Other.”
2. Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance)
3. ‘Don’t Stare at Men or Talk Too Much.’
4. Don’t Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date.
5. Don’t Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls’ and ‘Always End Phone Calls First’
6. Don’t Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday.’
7. ‘Filling Up Your Time before the Date.’
8. How to Act on Dates 1, 2 & 3
9. How to Act on Dates 4 through Commitment Time.’
10. Always End the Date First’
11. Stop Dating Him if He Doesn’t Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine’s Day.‘
12. Don’t See Him More than Once or Twice a Week.’
13. No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date’
14. Don’t Rush into Sex and Other Rules for Intimacy.’
15. Don’t tell him what to do.’
16. Let Him Take the Lead.’
17. Don’t Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him.’
18. Don’t Open Up Too Fast.’
19. Be Honest but Mysterious’
20. Accentuate the Positive and Other Rules for Personal Ads.’
21. Don’t Live with a Man (or Leave Your Things in His Apartment)

In the Beginning….I created this blog

In this first post I want to talk a little bit about why I decided to make this blog.

Well I wanted an outlet for the things I really wanted to say but I felt like I couldn’t talk about them because they were “Women’s issues” and who wants to read about that? Right? I hope I was wrong. Because these issues are real and I need somewhere to discuss the girly things.

I also decided to start this blog because I am really fascinated with bras and sexuality and what that means. Basically, what does being a woman mean to me. Hell, we might even bring religion in here one day.

My “sisters’ in My Sisters and I isn’t just talking about my breasts. It’s also talking about my sisters on earth, my fellow women that share this world too.

So that’s what this blog is all about, I hope it goes well!